Dealing with Aggression - Part 1- Conflicting Ages
Anger
The weather is pleasant again
at the end of the hailstorm
as it's late summer
bright and beautiful
everything else is the same
yet the crops have suffered
That fit of rage
that boils the blood
in your nerves
and takes over your mind
That drives you
to aggression
to achieve what you think
is only freedom
Builds up like a storm,
pours down and abates
Of that I live in constant fear
for I have sowed and I have toiled
and I put up a fight as I ought to
Except it crushes me
to you, however,
the world remains unchanged.
By, Anagha Jawalekar
I request everyone not to be judgemental while reading this post. The purpose of writing this post is to share my experiences. Autism has taught me a new lesson every day. Be it awareness, acceptance, perseverance, resilience, patience, hope, or detachment in attachment.
Gradually, his aggression
became more intense, and he started pulling my hair. Now the anger was not only
for music, but it could be for anything, anytime. He wanted freedom. He wanted
to do everything as per his likes and interests (like any other neurotypical teenager).
I realized that, it was the time, when he needed to learn the responsibility, but, due to lack of motivation, limited interest, and exposure, it was
difficult to make him understand.
He is very inclined
towards his interests and mentioned to me several times that he cannot do work
that does not seem interesting to him (so is the case with all of us I think).
Now, the problem was that he was only interested in music (listening and
watching songs) and did not want to do anything else. However, I told him that
there are several things, which you need to do sometimes out of interest.
Day by day, his anger
increased, and sometimes, apparently, he got aggressive for no reason. He did
not want to listen to 'NO' for anything.
The anger attacks started
happening quite often when he did not have control on himself, and out of that
anger, he started pulling my hair and banging his head, to both my husband and
me. Since then, he pulled my hair several times and some of the times, he
pulled them from the scalp. One can imagine the intensity when a 18 year old adult shows his aggression physically. It took 2-3 months to regrow the hair but it had
become difficult for me to deal with all this mentally as it was happening
frequently.
Meanwhile, I was (am)
also dealing with hormonal changes (probably pre-menopause). I observed that
during my menses, I also had mood swings, and if he got aggressive that time, I
reacted more than usual. However, I used to feel guilty about it but it had an intense effect on me too. His frequent anger attacks started affecting me.
I used to cry and sometimes had panic attacks.
All three of us were aging and it is affecting each one of us differently. I concluded that it is high time that I have to understand Akshat’s phase thoroughly and prepare myself to deal with it.
In the coming post: How I
am dealing with aggression
Adulthood
my heart open for love
good girl in nature
like katrina and madhuri
to bring love and beauty.
I laughed and laughed after reading this...Sometimes, we take disability too seriously and forget that our kids can have natural growth too...Really, I was amazed to see the scope of his thinking...
Experiencing autism everyday...
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